Chapter 11: All My Morals

AXEL:
The creak was loud enough to make my stomach plummet in the silent house.
I pull my forearms against my chest, biting hard at the inside of my cheek.
Then—footsteps.
Mavis’s hands immediately curl into fists.
Jasper drops into a crouch, arms tucked tightly against his chest.
Mika freezes like all the air left his body.
I get ready to sprint out the door.
The footsteps grow closer, and a quiet yelp catches in my throat, somehow making everything even tenser.
A shadow stretches across the wooden floor from around the corner.
Mavis clenches her fists tighter.
And then I see her.
It feels like getting punched in the stomach.
She’s wearing a flower-print dress, her white hair dangling on her shoulders. In one hand, she holds a metal rod out in front of her, feeling along carefully. A hearing aid rests in her ear.
That flower dress—
My mom used to have one similar.
I stare, mouth slightly open.
Then I immediately turn and head for the door.
On the way out, behind me hanging delicately near the door, is a photo of the woman and a little girl eating ice cream cones on a bench together. The little girls got her chocolate ice cream all over her smile. And they look really happy.
I make a small noise in my throat and nearly start crying again.
Mika grabs my arm.
“We’re fine,” he whispers.
I stare at him in disbelief.
“No. No, we aren’t. I’m not doing this.”
My voice shakes, and I think he noticed.
Please don’t cry, please don’t cry, please don’t…
I yank my arm free and step outside.
I start walking down the sidewalk without looking back.
“Axel, the pill just knocks her out,” Mavis says, hurrying after me.
“But—Mavis, she’s old. I bet Creed didn’t even check how much was in there.”
I catch my voice from breaking.
She stops jogging closer to me when she sees the tears in my eyes.
She goes quiet because she knows I’m right.
And her eyes slowly drift to the ground.
Jasper walks with his hands still in his pockets around the fence but doesn’t say anything.
Mika walks up, oddly calm.
“Creed wouldn’t let us kill someone.”
I stop moving for a second.
His voice is still flat. Empty.
I don’t know what to do.
I stare at the pill pinched between Mika’s fingers.
“Mika, I can’t—” tears start streaking down my face—
Mavis suddenly smacks the white pill out of his hand.
Jasper just watches it hit the pavement as it falls down a drain like he expected this the whole time.
I feel my muscles loosen up.
Mika’s hand hangs in the air like he’s still holding the pill. He doesn’t even look at the ground, just looks past me pressing his lips together.
Then he throws his hands up before letting them fall back to his sides.
“Well, we’re fucked,” he says, looking everywhere but us.
“We’ll just say she didn’t have it anymore.” Even Mavis sounds unsure saying it.
“You—” Mika’s whole body tenses so hard it looks like he might snap.
Then he suddenly rushes back toward the house.
“Mika—!” Mavis runs after him.
I follow them while Jasper stays near the sidewalk, staring down the dark road.
Mavis darts in front of Mika before he reaches the yard. With her arms out extended like she’s gonna hug him but wont.
“We’re leaving,” she says firmly.
“No. We aren’t done.”
“We’re leaving.”
“Mavis, move.”
The veins in his arms stand out sharply.
“No.”
He tries pushing her aside but she brushes him off.
He glances back toward the road.
“We aren’t stealing from a blind old lady,” Jasper cuts in. “And we definitely aren’t drugging her either.”
“Creed—”
“Creed didn’t know,” I interrupt. “He didn’t know she was old.”
Mika stares at me for a long moment.
Then he looks at me like I’m stupid.
“Maybe we should have this conversation somewhere else,” Jasper says, already walking away. “We’re standing in the street.”
Mika keeps staring at Mavis for another second.
Jaspers holds his hands together, to stop them from shaking.
My stomach twists so hard I think I might throw up.
“Just— move.” He shoves her shoulders again thinking she’ll move but she doesn’t.
“Hey guys—wait—we can—“
He just pushes his way past her causing her to stumble, almost falling into the road.
“Hey!” She shouts, he doesn’t turn around. He keeps moving forward.
“Asshole!” She shouts louder, wanting a reaction, I wish he’d give one too.
“Mika let’s do something else.” I plead, and it sounds out of breath, and strained.
I bite my cheek hard enough to taste blood.
Jasper stands next to me looking down the street into the dark.
“Mika—“ Mavis grunts, pushing herself forward after him before he gets to the yard.
She swings him around by the shoulder, “Can you listen to me for—“
“No, I’m gonna fix—”
“But you won’t. You know this.” Mavis pretends to crack a smile, it fades away quickly.

Silence.

His icy blue eyes just look at her with a calm stare.
Her pale green ones slightly narrow waiting for his response.
He turns away, looking back at the house.
Mavis stands there pressing her finger against her thumb.
A few seconds later—
Jasper bravely opens his mouth, he’s pretending like this doesn’t affect him and it scares me.
“We’re gonna get hit by a car.” He says fast, trying to speed up Mika.
“We can’t just leave.” Mika replies.
Jasper starts rubbing his headphones with his thumb.
He stares at the ground like he’s not even here anymore.
“Yes we can, he didn’t tell us where the book would even be. So obviously we couldn’t find it.”
When nobody responds her hand starts shaking more.
Mika runs a hand through his dark brown hair.
“Are you gonna rob the old lady or not.” Jasper scuffs his boot on the ground mumbling.
He still hides his shaking hands, looking like he wants to curl back into a ball right here on the sidewalk.

Mika takes a deep breath, then starts walking down the street.
This time Mavis didn’t run. She lingers to my side instead. Mika keeps his head low.
It’s like walking into a death trap, over and over, whenever we go back empty handed.
I look back at the light-blue house.
I think about the old lady, the girl eating her ice cream.

And we could’ve killed her tonight.