The Song of My Wrongdoings

"You want me to beg for your attention. You want me to beg you for your time. You don't wanna show me no affection. But you want me to show you all of mine."

This song had a really nice chorus, but that would not be the highlight of today. According to the rules, anything, even a piece of highly biased writing, would be much more effective if it examined the other side.

And for us, that side is... or was, rather, yours.

You had an ex and a whole load of options. I opted to just choose you. Unknowingly that caused you to bear most of my baggage as I was someone who was barely stable, emotionally and mentally.

I had to rely on you a lot, not the selfish in the form others would typically assume it to be. But perhaps, selfish enough to warrant you leaving.

I wouldn't just ask you, "How are you?" I would ask a whole lot of other questions like, "What made you feel that way?" "How can you make things better?" Apparently, I wasn't showing concern by saying that. Apparently, I caused you to think lowly of yourself by asking such questions.

As if your dwelling on the past was my orchestration and not something you swamped me with on the get-go. As if you were not an active participator in the convo, and just passively taking all of my gaslighting.

But let's reason out that all that you said was true and I was just bitter.

Perhaps, in hindsight, the reason why I felt this way when you left me had been because I worked so hard to get inside you. I couldn't accept you letting go as soon as I was in. Worse still, I couldn't comprehend how I didn't know you at all as it ended, when I spent all my time doing just that.