'SEE YOU MORNING' 143 Scars and Unwillingness

The morning mist carried the scent of early day, thick enough to veil the glow of the rising sun. The light that filtered through was cool and damp on the street. A slender, tall girl stood opposite Lin Yuhui, yet he could not make out her features or know who she was. Out of respect for a pure young woman, he drew a paper craft from his left chest pocket, flicked his wrist, and the nested structure unfurled into a bouquet of red roses. Another flick, and green leaves clustered around the blossoms.

Just as Lin Yuhui was about to offer the flowers to the girl, the dream broke. He opened his eyes to find Grace lying beside him. Her hair lay loose, half-covering her back and cheek but leaving her shoulder bare. The dry desert air let the morning light pass undiminished, falling on the rounded skin of her shoulder.

Lin Yuhui wondered if the girl in his dream was her. But looking at reality, where he now slept beside another woman, a deep shame rose in him, making him feel more and more unworthy of even thinking of her. He even felt that still longing for her was itself a desecration.

He took a deep breath and rose, turning back to watch Grace as she slept, appraising her face and figure while also scrutinizing his own inner unwillingness. If life had given him such a wife from the very start, would he have been content with a simple existence like this with her? Perhaps. But having endured the bitter baptism of a past life, having witnessed all the gatherings and partings in this world, he knew too well that all this torment and lingering unwillingness could no longer be satisfied by ordinary life’s rewards. The scars everywhere on his body never stopped reminding him of those painful memories.

At the breakfast table, Lin Yuhui found a good excuse. He told Grace he needed to act more like Hunter to avoid the risk of being murdered again, and thus needed to go out carousing once in a while, to maintain something close to Hunter’s original lifestyle. He also wanted to see if he could gradually distance himself from Grace. Though she might still be hurt, at least it would be at a pace an adult could slowly accept.

But the moment the words left his mouth, he saw the happiness that had brimmed on Grace’s face vanish in an instant, as if a bitter autumn wind had swept away every fallen leaf, leaving only the desolation of late autumn. His heart softened again. He did not want to hurt others, especially women.

Only he himself knew clearly that he could not deeply love a woman who had a past with another man. The more he loved such a woman, the more that past became a thorn in his heart and thorns beneath his feet, preventing him from stepping forward, forcing him only backward. Yes, Lin Yuhui was a man with emotional purity fixation. How could he ever tell Grace any of this.

Arriving at his office in the company, the changed surroundings seemed to alter his mood as well, or at least his line of thinking. Now his task was to keep probing why the previous Theodore had died, so as not to repeat his fate. From the seemingly casual questions and curiosity during the past document-signing work, he had already gained a better understanding of the company’s structure and business. Be it in the consumer market or in technology and defense, the corporation had already achieved a monopoly, without rivals. Could it be a struggle for internal control?

The muddled morning passed in a constant shifting between musing on living and surviving. For lunch, he arrived at the restaurant early, chose his favorite food, and sat in an undisturbed corner by the window, savoring the meal while enjoying the view.

Looking out from the office tower, he could tell this was a prime location, for it was the tallest building in the whole city. Or rather, platinum prime, because the building’s color was a dazzling, space-age metallic shade. The ground below was invisible, as if this place had already transcended the mortal world.

“All alone? May I sit here?”

Oh, a clear voice with a slightly magnetic huskiness, carrying a hint of flirtation that tugged at his attention.

Lin Yuhui looked up. It was her, the girl with the short black hair, the one who had spoken to Charisse in the restaurant. Since he had not paid her much attention then and was not good at remembering names, he had to conceal her name in his reply.

“Welcome, please sit. The view here is very nice,” Lin Yuhui said. He felt that Grace was already disturbance enough, and he did not want to add complications. Clearly he knew this young woman held an attraction for him, so he tried to close his own door from the start, which was why he emphasized the view of the seat rather than himself.

Lifting his head, he caught sight of her thigh sweeping past the end of the table as she took her seat. Today she wore red, green, and white striped pencil pants that perfectly showed off her full thighs and slender calves.

Now looking at her seated across from him: dark eyes, short black hair, parted three-to-seven today, the rest tied into two little pigtails at the nape with a red string. A red top in the same shade matched her slim, petite waist. The whole person appeared fresh and neat, utterly alluring.

The conversation was bland and idle, and Lin Yuhui had no desire to stir up any spark. So much so that he mostly used the exchange to draw information from her, not about her, but about this world.

Through the topics raised, Lin Yuhui sensed that she had been carefully filtered before gradually entering this place, this core area of Las Vegas. Different professions and different social scores determined where one lived in the city, and these zones were structured essentially like concentric circles. Those who were self-disciplined, followed the rules, and contributed highly to society would steadily accumulate their social evaluation points. Thus, from the city’s periphery to its center, the gradient of personal value and environmental safety rose steadily. In such a central district, there were no longer laws; interpersonal relationships relied on self-discipline and peaceful coexistence.

Of course, from the memory fragments surfacing in her mind, Lin Yuhui also saw her private life. Her relations with the opposite sex were somewhat complicated. That was only natural, in this age of youthful beauty. A woman’s youth is short anyway, and the freedom of personal choice is beyond reproach. That she could sit here at such a young age also largely stemmed from the dynamic weight-balancing of the social management algorithm based on personal social score.

From the conversation, Lin Yuhui also sensed that her behavior seemed to have no clear motive, unlike himself, who acted with such distinct purpose. She had none. Her every gesture seemed more like the instinctive responses of a living being at her age, shaped by her personal experiences within this environment.

It seemed that the mind-reading ability he had gained after death had given Lin Yuhui another angle to understand people whose ways were utterly different from his own. Of course, she had the same desire to be noticed and valued as any other girl, but her style was truly not his type, even if she was beautiful on the outside.

Sitting in his office, after an afternoon that yielded no worthwhile discovery, Lin Yuhui suddenly thought that perhaps he should change his approach to gathering information, by going to other places—like the haunts where Hunter caroused—to see the actual desires and demands, the interests and entanglements. Maybe he could discover something.

Lin Yuhui’s mind told him to go out and carouse like Hunter, but his footsteps honestly took him back home instead. He opened Grace’s door. She was playing with the child and turned her head to look at him, startled at first, then rose and walked slowly forward, giving Lin Yuhui a soft embrace.

Holding Grace in his arms, breathing in the scent of her body, Lin Yuhui felt an inexplicable calm in his heart.