'SEE YOU MORNING' 048 Damp Heart

The wind and snow grew fiercer. In the night, along the fronts of residential buildings, walking home through the neighborhood, the fierce wind lashed his face with snowflakes. This was a neighborhood built on a hillside. Reaching the main central road leading uphill, the parking lot on the lower left lay at the foot of the hill, its orange lights illuminating the square. Li Haojun turned right onto the main road and climbed upward along it. On both sides stood cold reinforced concrete; few windows glowed with light, while the parking lot behind him grew dimmer.

He pressed on, nearing the highest point of the small hill. The night was dark and heavy, the wind and snow even tighter. Crossing the hill, the residential buildings on the leeward side seemed already buried under snow, only their roofs exposed, level with his feet. Li Haojun stood atop the roof and looked toward the rear of the hill. There were no more residential buildings—this was the last one. On the roof there was a door leading into the stairwell of the building. He walked over, wanting to go home. But how to open this door…

Accompanied by the crackling drip of water outside the window, when Li Haojun awoke from deep sleep and opened his eyes, the warm-toned sunlight had already lit up the bedroom through the curtains. Recalling the dream just now: in his dreams there was always that hillside neighborhood and the uphill road. Could he have once lived there? He looked to one side for Qin Wenjing. She was right beside him, gazing at him affectionately.

Li Haojun turned over and gently took her hand. At that moment, a smile appeared on her face, partly hidden by her hair.

“Did you sleep well?” Qin Wenjing asked softly.

“Mm,” Li Haojun stroked her hand, feeling her real presence beside him.

“This feeling—it’s a bit like being back in childhood. Back then, Dad worked the night shift. He wasn’t home at night, but when I woke up in the morning, he would be right there keeping me company.” As she spoke, Qin Wenjing’s face was full of a smile steeped in sweet memories.

“Now I’m here keeping you company,” Li Haojun said, pulling her into his arms.

After a long while, Qin Wenjing lifted her head from his chest, looked at Li Haojun, and asked,

“Did everything go smoothly with this work trip?”

“Pretty well. I’ll need to go back next week to wrap things up completely,” Li Haojun said, then felt a little surprised that she’d brought up work at this moment. Could it be that she had some thoughts about his bringing Kesiya home last time? But it wasn’t easy to ask directly, so he waited to see what else Qin Wenjing would say.

“Did you get along well with Kesiya?”

“Don’t worry, she and I are just work colleagues,” Li Haojun quickly explained.

“I’m not worried. Haven’t you noticed that most of the colleagues and field agents you deal with at the company are women?”

“Yes, I thought it was because of the industry.”

“No, it’s company strategy. To keep core employees stable, most of the people they work with are of the opposite sex,” Qin Wenjing explained.

“Oh, I see.”

“So it’s been this way for many years. You’ve gotten through it all and you’re still by my side. Why would I be worried?”

Hearing Qin Wenjing say this, Li Haojun couldn’t help but feel emotional—he had her companionship all along the way. He reached out and brushed aside her bangs so that her hair no longer hid her affectionate gaze.

Qin Wenjing continued,

“In the past, they were mature women—colleagues or field agents. You’d gradually get to know them through work, then more tasks would be assigned to you together. They’d lead you farther away from me, and then I wouldn’t know what they’d take you to do. Hehe.” She paused for a moment, then added,

“But this time it’s a young girl. Actually, I feel quite at ease. She’s not likely to drag you into anything adventurous.”

Li Haojun listened quietly, stroking Qin Wenjing’s arm, shoulder, and neck.

“Maybe it’s because you’re older now and no longer suited for adventures,” Qin Wenjing added.

“Fine, then I’ll just stay with you,” Li Haojun replied without thinking, still caressing the person he cared for.

“I’m just a little curious—which direction will this Kesiya lead you this time?”

Hearing Qin Wenjing talk about these things for the first time, Li Haojun remembered the feeling of insecurity he’d had when he first woke up, and the fear of being separated from Qin Wenjing again. And now, that icy fear seemed to be slowly melting away—melted by his time with Qin Wenjing, by Kesiya’s youthful radiance, by Malaya’s innocent childishness. Was he getting used to this new life?

“What are you thinking about?” Qin Wenjing asked softly when Li Haojun didn’t speak.

“Nothing.”

“Are you thinking about the past few days with her?”

“No, no,” Li Haojun hurriedly denied, then quickly added,

“Actually, I missed you too.”

“Hehe,” Qin Wenjing gave a seemingly dismissive laugh.

“Did you say ‘too’?”

“Ah, no—I mean, when I was in Boise, I missed you. I knew you would miss me.”

Qin Wenjing just wanted to see him flustered, trying to explain. She smiled and placed her hand on his chest, slipping her fingers through the gap between his shirt buttons to touch his skin.

Seeing that she wasn’t angry but was grinning at him, Li Haojun realized she was teasing him. He pulled her waist tighter in playful revenge and laughed at himself.

The sun was already high, melting the snow on the roof. Water dripped and pattered onto the square tiles below. Sunlight streamed through the curtains, casting the shadow of the window frame onto the bed, falling over both of them. It was a rare, warm moment of togetherness. No one wanted to break it. They simply lay face to face.

“Do you like her?” Qin Wenjing used her right hand to unbutton Li Haojun’s shirt, drawing small circles on his chest with her fingernail as she asked casually. Her eyes were not on his—she didn’t seem to care whether his answer was a lie to her, merely watching her finger slide across his chest in idle play.

Li Haojun gently stroked Qin Wenjing’s cheek, thinking about what her face looked like on the days he was away from her, and answered casually,

“I don’t know.”

“She probably likes you. I can see it in the way she looks at you.”

“I don’t know, either. My feelings for her aren’t the same as my feelings for you. After all, she’s so young, and we’ve only spent a short time together.”

Qin Wenjing glanced up at him, gave him a light push, and said,

“At least you have a conscience. Tell me, what are your feelings for me?”

Li Haojun put his left arm around Qin Wenjing’s lower back, caressing her waist and hip through the soft silk.

“I’m not entirely sure either. It’s just that I can’t be without you,” he said, lifting the hem of her nightgown to feel the skin of her thigh and hip—smooth and round.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes, but it’s not a passionate kind of love. It feels like an inseparable part of life, like family.”

As Li Haojun spoke, Qin Wenjing remained calm. Her hand had already unbuttoned his shirt and rested at his waist, groping gently. She asked softly again,

“Then how do you feel about her?”

“At first it was just sympathy for her background. No improper intentions. Seeing her all alone…”

Qin Wenjing listened quietly, not speaking, only occasionally glancing up at Li Haojun’s eyes and face, her right hand playfully exploring his body.

After a long while, she looked up into his eyes, gazed for a long time, and asked,

“Do you want to know how you answered me before?”

Curious that she had brought up the past, Li Haojun looked at her without replying, simply slipping his hand inside her nightgown and holding her waist.

“You said the same thing to me before.”

“Oh,” Li Haojun responded, a little embarrassed.

Qin Wenjing parted her shirt, pressed her bare skin against his, buried her head in his shoulder and neck, and said softly,

“Maybe someday your feelings for her will become like family too.” Then she wrapped her right arm tightly around Li Haojun’s back and continued,

“Only, I don’t know what place I’ll have in your heart by then.” She turned her head to reveal half her face and glanced at Li Haojun.

“Don’t worry. My heart belongs only to you,” Li Haojun comforted her, but inside he felt a little uneasy. He didn’t know how far his feelings for Kesiya might develop if things continued like this. The only thing that gave him some confidence was knowing that he wasn’t the type to tire of the old and crave the new.

“No,” Qin Wenjing replied with a coquettish pout.

“Why?” Li Haojun was a little surprised, unsure whether she truly meant it or was just testing him.

“I want you to have some freedom. Otherwise…” Qin Wenjing trailed off.

“Otherwise what?” Li Haojun pressed, puzzled.

Qin Wenjing shot him a glance, her eyes flickering.

“What happens? Tell me,” Li Haojun urged, gently shaking her body as he asked.

“It’s like fine sand in your hand. Squeeze too tight, and it slips through your fingers.” Having said that, Qin Wenjing turned her head away. The sunlight filtered through the gaps in the curtain fabric, and one could almost see the round shape of the sun, its flickering brightness illuminating the darkness that had lingered in her heart over the past few days.

Li Haojun didn’t fully understand why she said that or what she meant by it, nor did he want to go against her wishes and press further. He simply tucked the stray strands of hair behind her ear, put one arm around her waist and the other around her back, gently entered her, and softly kissed the cheek now exposed where he’d brushed away the hair.

Qin Wenjing parted her lips slightly, took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly, returning to a calm breathing rhythm. Her eyes still faced the direction of the sunlight. The pattern of the curtains was cast onto her face by the sun, bathing her in splendor.

“Don’t strain your neck,” Li Haojun whispered in her ear as he gently laid her flat on the bed.

Qin Wenjing turned her head back just a little, gave him a sidelong smile, then closed her eyes.

The soft sunlight through the curtains illuminated her cheeks, her hair, her shoulders and neck. Contrasted with her dark green silk nightgown, her fair skin stood out even more.

Appreciating the beauty of his woman in this moment, Li Haojun felt he could more fully and deeply explore her heart. With his left arm around her waist and his right hand behind her back holding her shoulder, he pushed deeper, kissing her neck and collarbone.

Qin Wenjing slowly turned her head, which had been tilted to one side, back toward him. As Li Haojun gradually tightened his hold on her waist and back, her lips slightly parted and her head tilted back just a little. Li Haojun tried to satisfy her more deeply, admiring her shy face as he leaned down to gently kiss her slightly open lips.

Amid the kisses, Qin Wenjing couldn’t help but place both hands on Li Haojun’s waist and back, gently moving her body in rhythm with him, responding to his deep comfort for her hollow heart.

Kissing and thrusting—the dance of their bodies—after just a few exchanges they were holding each other tightly. Amid heavy breathing, Li Haojun whispered in Qin Wenjing’s ear,

“Did you miss me?”

“Mm, yes.”

“I missed you too.”

“Mm.”

Her voice and her breath captivated him. He wanted to give her even deeper caresses. Qin Wenjing’s grip on him tightened as well. In that resonant give-and-take, all the distance and the bitterness of longing seemed to be swept away.

Gradually, Qin Wenjing’s brows knitted together. Her slightly parted little mouth panted and whimpered near Li Haojun’s ear. She wrapped both arms around his buttocks, wanting all of him.

When Li Haojun could no longer resist her warm fervor, his love for her surged forth and delivered itself deep into her heart. At that moment, they both held each other tighter—Li Haojun held her body, Qin Wenjing held his heart—neither willing to separate, savoring every millisecond of their blending. And in that very instant when Li Haojun could no longer control the rush of his love, he deeply felt how vulnerable he was before her; the softest part of his heart was crushed and gripped by hers.

When everything once again returned to calm, Li Haojun slowly released Qin Wenjing from his embrace and saw that she was gazing at him with narrowed, smiling eyes. The warm sunlight fell on her face, and her smile was dotted with radiance.

Curious, Li Haojun asked,

“What are you smiling at?”

Qin Wenjing deliberately let her eyes dance and glanced around, then said playfully,

“I’m not telling you.”

Yet all the love that Li Haojun had reserved for her was already stored in her heart.