Water's Edge

I wipe the sleepiness from my eyes as the sun starts to break across the horizon. The rays of purple, orange, and a sliver of pink make me forget the pain of the last 48 hours. I slip away into a daydream of beauty. I am all alone in my thoughts as his face fades from blurriness into a crystal-clear vision. We are walking along the water. The river moves with force. The wind fills my hair. The heat fills my nose. I look toward him waiting for him to tell me everything will be okay. I am waiting for him to tell me what I always need to hear from him: You are stronger than you think you are. As he takes a breath in to speak, it is not his voice I hear.

“Mar? Are you awake yet?”

My heart was yearning for a sentence, a word, a syllable to come from Any’s mouth that would let my mind settle. I find myself pleading with my mind to slow down. To take a breath.

“Good morning, Levi,” comes my calm reply. I find the peace in knowing that somewhere Any thinks of me. Longs for my presence as I do his.

“What is our plan, Mar?”

We did not really discuss that before we fell asleep the night before. The day had been a rush of adrenaline. Once we made it to the cave, we sat in silence for hours as the daylight faded away. We fell asleep in each other’s arms as dusk turned into night. Neither of us knew what to say.

“I am not sure… The sun does not lie. It rises there, over the water, and that is the direction mom and dad went. Somewhere past that line of orange light is the wilderness, and somewhere in that wilderness is our family. First we have to get across.”

By the look in his eye, he is confused, scared, and feeling defeated. I wish I had the words to comfort him, to help him understand that I am here. I am keeping him safe. We will make it back to mom and dad. I cannot find the courage to tell him something I do not fully believe or understand myself.

“Here is what I will tell you, brother. We are going to go.”

“Go where?”

“We are going to go out there.” His eyes gain hope as he follows the direction of my outstretched hand. I am pointing toward the sun that has fully broken over the horizon. The slivers of pink, orange, and red have given way to a bright yellow sun. The day has broken. The time for us to move has come.

I grab his hand and pull him up after me. He sways up to his feet to follow me out of our cave. I hear his stomach growl as he gets to his feet. Food. I had not even given that a thought since we left home yesterday morning. I fear that acknowledging the growl would only further hinder any progress we might make on the day.

I press on. Levi only turned 11 a month ago. Even though 15 is not much older, my time to grow up is here to figure out how to get us back to the people we love.

We set out towards the water. I have never been the problem solver of the group, but Any’s words echo in my mind. I see it more than you do, but you must always remember that you are stronger than you think. He initially reminded me of that on an especially hard day, but it became his phrase of encouragement. He would remind me of the strength that lied in wait inside of me. Although I have no idea how I might find my parents again, I know the best place to start is where I saw them last.

After walking for hours, the pain of every step becomes more excruciating. The hunger is setting in on both of us. We have not eaten or drank anything for some time now. The realization of our dire situation sets upon my heart. The heat of the day has set in. The dry air and sand have taken a toll on my skin. In the commotion of it all, I do not have my shawl or any source of water. The journey is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done.

I am beginning to realize that we were running a lot further than I realized yesterday. We ran for what felt like an eternity, but I did not comprehend that the weakness and tired feeling of my legs was a symptom of the distance we had covered.

The water is more in view now. The marshy wetlands are coming into a clearer view. The water feels impassable though. My mind wanders to all the danger that might be waiting for a couple of kids to wander into trying to cross the water.

A decision is coming for me, and my soul is torn. Every day we do not cross the water, the distance between us and our loved ones grows. The quicker we attack the water, the less I will know about it, and the more likely something is to go wrong. Finding balance in the unknown seems to be impossible, but I must solve the problem. My father’s words echo in my mind. We never give up.

As my thoughts are wandering and wading through the issues presenting themselves to me, I wince with pain as Levi grips my hand tighter. He now has both of his hands on mine. The sweat of his palm seeps into my hand and arm. I follow his gaze to the edge of the water.

An Egyptian soldier lies lifeless half covered in marsh.

I do not take another step. I cannot. For all my life, the Egyptian soldier has been a source of power and authority. Although my heart could never agree with the pain caused by these men, there was no denying the strength they wielded over me and all my family. Whether I know this man or not, his face is the same as every other soldier that has shown no mercy. Shown me disrespect. Shown me hate.

“Is he… dead?” Levi’s voice is soft and broken. Even though the home we were raised in was no stranger to death, the sight of a man not breathing that you never knew is not an easy one for an eleven-year-old to process.

My eyes drift from my brother’s terrified eyes back to the soldier. I must help him confront this truth because it will not be the last death that we cross in our travels. If we are to truly make it back to our families across this vast, unforgiving wilderness, death will become a part of our lives. Need will become a part of our lives. Pain will become a part of our lives. Being lucky to be alive will become our reality.

“Levi.” I move in front of him and bend to meet his eyes. “He is dead.” Pushing through the pain in my own heart, I take his hand and approach the soldier. “We need to figure out what happened here.”

As we approach the reeds, I can see before Levi does that there is far more carnage than the one soldier. The smell of the water fills my nostrils. The dampness of the air encircles my skin. The sound of the birds circling fills my ears. I see the weapons. I see the horses. I see the chariots. I see the men. I see the death. I see the devastation. My mouth goes dry. My heart aches. My forehead starts beading sweat. I feel it run down my cheek. My hand gets tighter around Levi’s. His reciprocates. I look down into his eyes; he can see the extent of the pain and suffering at this point.

“Mar, I am scared.”

“Me too. Me too.”

We stop just short of the water. My heart sinks deeper into my stomach. This place is not safe. There is too much death here. They will be back for the weapons, the chariots and the bodies. I begin to realize that we are both lucky to be alive after everything that has happened. I see the bodies and the broken chariots. I feel the weight of an empire on its knees. That thought scares me. That thought pushes me to move away from this place.

“We have to keep going.” I start to find my voice. “We will keep going. But we are not going this way. We will go north.” I point along the edge of the water. “I want to find somewhere easy to cross. Once we find a narrow spot, we can cross the water then start looking for mom and dad. We will keep going.”

We back away from the carnage and turn towards the north. We start walking north. The sun glints off some armor in the reeds. It catches my eye. I look towards it and am stopped in my tracks again. I see the crossed scepters. The same house symbol that I have seen countless times before. I see the crossed scepters of Any’s house symbol. He was one of his family’s soldiers. He knew Any too.