Nothing Worth Chasing

I have no idea how we found ourselves in this predicament. Life seemed so much simpler just a short time ago before all the madness started. Before all the strange things started happening. Before that man ripped me away from my family and everything I knew, wanted, and loved. My mind is reeling as I hold my brother, Levi, as close to my pounding heart as possible. He doesn’t deserve this kind of hurt. He doesn’t deserve this kind of pain. He definitely does not deserve this fear.

My mind races as we continue running down the bank of the now rushing river. Everything in my periphery blurs as we keep moving. The air feels thin in my lungs. The sun is scorching on my skin. The sweat rolls down my temple as our feet race after each other. It makes me think of chasing each other when we were younger, but the sound of hooves behind us snaps me back to reality. The chariots and the horses are coming for us quicker than we can run. Levi starts to fall behind, but there is no time for that. I scoop him up in my arms to keep pushing faster. His breath is hot on my neck as we keep pushing further away.

Time is running out as our pursuers come closer and closer with every step. One foot after the other. One step after the other. We never give up. The words of my father ring in my ears. I find new strength in my steps as his voice echoes in my mind. No matter what happens, we never give up. I find more hope as I see a small group of trees on hillside up ahead. I wonder to myself how worth pursuing am I?

I start making my way towards the tree closest to me. I am only a few minutes away. I only have to keep pushing for a few more minutes. I find the strength in the hope. I keep pushing.

“I can walk now Mar. I can do it,” comes the sweet voice of my younger brother.

“Not yet,” I quickly reply. “Just let me run for us.”

I find the answer to my questions about my worth as I enter the trees. As soon as I disappear in to the brush, I set Levi down. We crouch near the earth as the rhythmic sound of hooves comes closer and closer. The rhythm starts to slow. My heartbeat seems to go in the opposite direction. I can hear yelling. I can hear confusion. I cannot make out the words, but I am praying they give up. I am praying they are not as determined as I am.

I hold my hand over Levi’s mouth. His rapid breathing heats the skin of my hand. I cannot tell if my hand is soaked from his sweat or my own. Regardless, we are both near breaking. Apparently the soldiers feel the same way. I hear the rhythm of hooves start back up. The rhythm is different this time. It is getting further away… A quick answer to my prayer. Perhaps the only answer to any prayer I have ever made.

I release my hand from Levi’s mouth. I hold a finger up to my lips to make sure he stays quiet, but I think the worst is passing on. I peer over the brush we hid ourselves with; I only see dust as the soldiers are galloping away. I suppose I was nothing worth chasing after all.

I pull up Levi from the ground, and we press further into the trees. I am looking for any semblance of shelter for us to rest and for me to think. I see a sunken rock area. I would barely call it a cave, but it is as close as we are going to get on a small hill like this. I pull Levi’s sweaty hand along behind me. We huddle next to each other in the little cave. I feel my heart finally start to slow down, but then my heart begins to race.

I start recalling how it all started a couple of weeks ago when a new man wandered into our home prophesying about the future of our people and the future of our families. The details seem unimportant to me now, but, nonetheless, my mind races through the events of the last couple weeks. My heart starts to beat faster again. I try to calm my mind, but all the horrors and joys of my life unspool in my mind like my grandmother’s stories. Quieting my mind is as difficult as a day’s work.

The past week’s events continue in my mind. It all culminates with a strange new ritual of killing a lamb, painting the blood on our door frame, and eating unleavened bread. It seemed like another holiday until the next morning. I don’t even want to remember the pain I felt only a few short days ago. Tears begin to seep from my eyes, as I recall all of the memories of exchanging glances in passing, starting to speak behind closed doors, learning to laugh through the pain, and falling in forbidden love. Any’s face crystalizes in my mind. He seemed to be there for me even when no one else was.

Any was the grounding when the whole world was spinning. All the scary things. All the nervous days. All the sleepless nights as I tried to cry myself to sleep with no success. He was always there the next minute, the next hour, the next day to settle me. I try to anchor myself in the picture of his face in my mind. I focus on him for just a minute. I feel my mind settle as his peace slows the rhythm of my heart.

“Mar?” Levi’s voice rips me out of my mind’s momentary peace.

“Yes Levi?”

“When can we go back home?” Levi’s young voice pleads with me.

I wish I knew the answer to his question. My mind begins to spiral again. I look Levi in the eyes to ground myself in his childlike faith in me.

“Home is gone Lev. Mom and Dad are gone, but we will find them. I do not know how long it will take, but we will find them.”