Ch 35: Music Of The Manifested

~
(David)

Gryffe, Finn, Viv and I are on live comms again. Gryffe says “Perfect Sunrise” is doing pretty well with lots of plays already, and it’s on the pop streams, not just the underground. He’s urging me to do another collaboration.

I agree instantly. “Definitely. I can’t work as fast as you Gryffe, but I’ll try to put something together.”

“If it makes it any easier, D, all you have to do is basically make the same song again. Just with some little variation, and we can change up the production a bit. I always say, if one tune works, make another one just like it. I’m too old to get precious about it.”

We laugh. I add, “Well if you make music by trying to imitate other music, it always turns out different anyway, at least for me it does, since I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. So it comes out as a unique piece.”

“Exactly!” says Gryffe, laughing.

I ask Gryffe, “Hey we’ll be working with the SRI again right?”

“Yes! I love it.”

“Great, I really like it too. Do you mind if I ask – do you get any sense that there’s language, or like words and letters, in the SRI music when you play it back? Kind of like words or letters in your mind?”

I should not have asked that. I should not be discussing anything related to my “research”. or anything that might make me seem crazy. But I just felt free for a moment and it slipped out.

Finn interjects. “No – aside from the vocals I mean, no – we don’t get anything like that from it. Or I mean, I definitely don’t. Do you, Gryffe?”

Gryffe says, “No. Nothing like that.” Viv is shaking her head ‘No’.

“Maybe it’s just the way you hear music, Dee,” Gryffe says. “But anyway, it seems like you’re doing things with the SRI that not too many people have figured out how to do yet. So send whatever you can and we’ll collab.”

“You’ll tell me if it’s shit though right?” Fuck. Stop being so insecure.

Gryffe says, “No actually, I won’t. I’ll work with you on it, though.”

But now I’m wondering about Finn again. He came up with that song title that had the letters I saw, or imagined, “FRA”. I’m sure he saw those letters just like I did. And now he’s denying this language effect altogether. And he interrupted and answered on behalf of Gryffe, as if he was prompting Gryffe, telling him what to say.

I recall reading one conspiracy theory about a government false-friend program designed to influence and control dangerous subversives. I still don’t know what’s so dangerous about me. But I’m certain now that Finn is an agent.

I’m so tired, maybe I’m going crazy, overthinking everything. Maybe I’m imagining all this stuff. God I wish I could just sleep.

Against the better judgment of my rational mind, my imagination turns to wondering about my experiments with the SRI, trying to control the letters appearing in my mind. Could someone actually use this to release something that gets played widely and somehow releases the “Top Secret” information I’ve discovered, using some kind of encryption? Hiding a meaningful message within an innocuous message in a different medium. Perhaps within an audio file there could be a keyword, like a simple Vigenere cipher, that somehow listeners could be encouraged to apply against the JFoxe text. I don’t know.

My mind is making all these tenuous creative connections, grasping for something. How could all this be done? How could it be done in a way that people want to find out what it says?

I wish I could implore these guys right now — Please, you must be seeing the potential I’m seeing in this technology. Why are you not admitting it? Or, why is this language not clear to you? Are you are unable to perceive it? I need you to help me understand it. I need help in learning how to use it. I can’t do it on my own. I don’t have the expertise or the talent to do it. Please, admit it. It must be possible.

Right. And then everyone lives happily ever after. It’s a delusional fantasy.

Now my rational mind takes over. If i insist that this language effect is real, I risk appearing crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I experienced a psychotic break and took a leave of absence from work for that reason, but I’m delusionally calling it a “sabbatical” and everyone’s humouring me and these people are psychiatrists or counsellors or something. They’re humouring me.

Or I’m not crazy, but they know I’ve seen some things, or had some insights. Things that I should not have seen.

My mind is spiralling right now. Finn seems to be an agent. Constant deception. His whole “Hey man, yo bro” act is fake. Maybe everyone I met at the music showcase was an agent. Maybe that’s how the Admin keep tabs on the creative types. They’re totally infiltrated and controlled. Yes, of course they are. Art, including music, has always been one of the most effective ways to influence, even to protest, political or social causes. Of course it’s controlled.

That’s it. Art Div is totally infiltrated. Of course it is. It’s literally a division of the Administration. That’s why we call it Art Division. Finn’s been assigned to handle me and string me along.

But why me? Naturally I’ve privately questioned some things about the official theo-political history because of the work I do. And I know things about the religion—that it’s not what it seems to be. Maybe I don’t hide it well enough.

It makes sense. They’re tangling me up in this ridiculous make-work project. And look at me, I’ve effectively let go of my job, seriously self-sabotaged my career, for what? To do fake research on fake conspiracy theories while I secretly research my personal problems.

It’s Finn who pointed me toward the whole “JFoxe” thing. I’m such a fool.

I’ve defined my personal problems incorrectly. Maybe if I had just moved to a new apartment and taken a vacation, this torture would have stopped. I was very sleep deprived, so maybe I became paranoid. Maybe my entire perception of what has been happening to me is a paranoid fantasy.

I didn’t make that song, “Perfect Sunrise”. They took some sounds I made and turned it into real music. It’s some kind of humiliation ritual. It’s ridiculous. I’m ridiculous.

In reality I’m working against these assholes, not with them. And at the same time, they’re trying to control me. They probably know that I know this. But I don’t know if they know everything. It’s a game we’re playing. And none of it can be spoken out loud. That would be forfeiting the game.

Maybe they don’t know the SRI system the way I do. The way I think I do.

I have to keep treating all of this as real. Let it play out, and we’ll see if it’s real, one way or another. Because in my gut I know what is happening to me, and what I’ve discovered, is real. It would be impossible to convince anyone of this, but I know it’s all real.

Then Gryffe says, “Oh, Dee, just so you know, the big music festival is coming up, you know, ‘Music of the Manifested’ during Joy Week? I’m playing an extended set on the Saturday night. Main stage, prime time. It’s the biggest crowd I guess. I’m absolutely gonna highlight Perfect Sunrise. Viv might even sing live.” Gryffe smirks and looks sideways at Viv.

Viv smiles and closes her eyes with a scrunched up face, indicating some trepidation at performing before such a huge audience.

Gryffe continues. “And so, uh, if we come up with this follow-up track which I guess, we’re kind of planning right now aren’t we — I’ll debut it there. So, that’s a month from now. I can do it, I’ve only got a few other tracks in production right now. If it’s too soon, seriously don’t worry about it man. We’ll still release it. But you know, if you can do it—”

Finn’s face looks oddly blank as he adds, “And it goes out on the live feed nation-wide. It’s the big party moment at Joy Week, you know, about 23:00 or midnight our time. Out in Greater L.A. everyone will be watching and listening live at 20 or 21 hundred, and over in The Gods’ UK, they’ll be there for it live at 04 or 05 hundred. They go fucking mental for it over there.” His tone suggests to me that he doesn’t believe I can do this.

But I’m shaking my head and chuckling. “Oh man, that would be so perfect. You have no idea. I’m gonna try to get something to you Gryffe, but I’ll need your help.”

Finn and Gryffe look at each other and laugh. Are they laughing at me or with me?

After our call I’m at my workstation, still thinking about whether these guys are serious. I think about what, logically, would be the best thing to do. Honestly, the best thing to do is continue to play along with them. Even if they’re manipulating me, I have to continue. Anyway, they seem willing to give me credit for co-production on their music. Doesn’t that show I’m not insane?